How Things Have Changed
by MeadowFlowers
Summary: Humanstuck, Sadstuck. Triggers warnings are at the start of each chapter. Take a look into the lives of all the trolls growing. However life isn't perfest and can get ugly fast. In honour of 1 year on this website.
1. Feferi

**Hey everyone I'm back with a new Homestuck fanfiction, this time with trolls! All 12 chapters will be posted today in honour of one full year of being on this website! To think a year ago I first entered this website, and post chapter one of my first fanfiction. Ah back then I was so young, so innocent, man have things changed in the past year. My fanfictions have certainly gotten darker since then. We I first got here I though I wouldn't do scary, graphic fanfictions, but here we are, yet another creepy fanfiction, completed by me. Anyways, whether you read this on the one year mark or not enjoy! Trigger warnings thanks to Kankri before each chapter just in case.  
**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck, if I did, I would have probably been killed by the fandom at this point.**

 **Trigger warning from Kankri: A6and9nment, self harm, ver6al fights, girlxgirl (n9thing graphic), discriminati9n, depressi9n.**

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My Name is Feferi, I love the colour pink. This is my story. I grew up like a princess, spoiled, rich. I was the youngest of two. It was always her and I, Meenah and Feferi. We were raised to rule the world, because one day we will. Our wasn't always nice to others, but we followed her rules. We were treated like royalty, and she only wanted the best for us. The best included other kids like us.

She let me visit this boy, Eridan Ampora. We became friends, since mom let us talk. She reminded me everyday, we were the best. No matter what, we were the richest, and most important. When Meenah went to school, I missed her. Eridan was allowed to play with others, unlike me. He got to play with kids that were rich, but not royal like him. Meenah told me about school, there were even more kids there. She no longer had to talk to Cronus, who was mean to her. I didn't like Cronus, but mom let Meenah talk to him, he was a noble too, just like his brother. I couldn't wait to go to school with her. She told me I would love it. I could talk to the other kids, not just my one friend.

Three years later I got to go to school. Meenah brought me to class. My mom told me I was better than everyone there, but I wasn't sure. They looked a lot like me, how could I be any better. There was one big difference, I was dress like a princess, they weren't. I didn't feel like a princess that day, I felt alone. I met kids who weren't rich, and didn't care. Mom told be being rich was important, but I no longer cared about that. We were all equal, no matter what.

I was always happy at school, I got a new friend, her name is Aradia. She's sad a lot, but I try to cheer her up. She won't tell me why though. I no longer hang out with Eridan, because I am not forced too. Aradia isn't like Eridan, because I picked her as a friend. I was friends with Eridan because of our richness. Mom wouldn't like me playing with Aradia, because she's poor, but I don't care.

Meenah and I spoke less, and less. One day she didn't come home until late. Her and mom had a fight. It was really loud, and I couldn't sleep. Meenah came up into my room. Her friend Aranea, she was someone mom didn't like. They were dating now, I've seen them kiss at school. They are so cute together. Mom is making Meenah leave forever tomorrow. I don't want that to happen, and I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up she was gone, and I didn't see her for a long time.

When Mom found out I was friends with Aradia, she yelled at me. She said I was worst than Meenah. I cried, but this time it wasn't just the tear staining my sheets, but blood too. The colour mixed nice with my pink sheets. I went to school with a smile, I looked happy. Not even Aradia knew that I was hiding scars. Each day I went to school and smiled, each night, I cut. I know why Meenah left now, she hated this place. A place we were once princesses in, is now a prison. Now I see why Aradia doesn't smile, it takes work to pretend you're okay each day.

My tiara is gone, and skin covered in lines. I look happy, I am in a good home after all. I hide my scars, my pain. Even mom thinks I no longer talk to the poorer girl. She can't control me anymore, because I give up. No one is better than me, so I can never be happy. My red blood drips on the pink sheets, oh how I wish they matched. Pink blood, the shade of cherry blossoms. I go to sleep, tears stained on my face. I wake up, wash my face, and hide the pain behind a hoodie, and a smile. I am still a princess, right?


	2. Eridan

**Chapter two! The trolls are in order, because why not. It makes this humanstuck easier.  
**

 **Disclaimer: Nope still don't Homestuck.**

 **Triggers thanks to Kankri: 6ullying, fights, self harm, suicide attempt, l9nelyness.**

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My name is Eridan, I love the colour indigo. This is my story. My Brother and I grew up royally. My best friend was called Feferi. She was the only person I knew that was richer then me, her and her sister. They came over a lot when we were young. Meenah never liked Cronus, but Feferi liked me. Her mom wouldn't let her play with others. I went out to play with some of the richer kids in the area. I didn't like the boys. Gamzee was mean, and Equius was too good at games. I like Feferi more, she was kind to me no matter what.

When school started I walked up to Feferi the first day. She wanted to meet some new kids that day, so I let her. I made no new friends, she did. A year later she hardly spoke to me, she had a new friend. We would talk after school, I was the only friends her mom let over. I talked different, but it wasn't my fault. I didn't know what I did wrong. I still don't know, I don't think I ever will.

We were twelve the last time I spoke to Feferi. She told me she had other friends too. She had other things she need to worry about. I was her best friend, at least I thought so. I had a crush on her too, I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend. I am still in love with her. I realized she never wanted me, it was all her mom's idea. It always was outside of school. She liked someone else, a computer nerd. I hated him.

Sollux and I got into a few fights. My brother always supported me, but it only helped at home. Feferi was my only friend, and she left me for him. I was always alone, and I never seen her anymore. I was royal, everyone should want to be my friend, right? I heard voices all the time, they were my friends. They wouldn't leave me right?

I was bullied, by so many people. My brother told me to be strong, but it's so hard to do that on your own. He didn't know how bad it was, and I wouldn't let him ever know it. I had bruises from Sollux on my arms. I covered them with and indigo shirt, they matched each other. My skin was always my favourite colour now. The voices said the colour looks nice on me, soon I added the colour too. There was no point in letting him have all the fun painting me that colour.

I thought magic was real as a kid. The voices, my friends are giving me idea for a magic show. To make a bad potion, it was my favourite shade. Won't it be fun? No one at school cares to come to the show. They told me to hold it, but never showed. Such a shame, I would love to see them, after all it will be the only show I ever do. See my trick will take my breath away, forever. I was a good friend right?


	3. Gamzee

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck  
**

 **Triggers, thank you Kankri: Cl9wns, h9pital visits, drug a6use, 9verd9sing, self hatred.**

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My name is Gamzee, and I love the colour purple. This is my story. When I was a kid, my life was pretty good. I was allowed to go anywhere, and wouldn't get in trouble. My bro would meet this younger middle class girl all the town. I didn't like her, or her sister. I hung out with this named Karkat, he was homeless, but we were friends. We were rich, but not billionaires, so I did what I wanted. I liked clowns, and dressed like them. I think I got that from my bro, I never grew out of it. That all changed a few years later.

Not many kids liked me at school, my bro was much better with people than I was. He's better at talking, or at least he was. We went out one day to get some Faygo, he said it was a special treat. He went out later that night. The next morning I went to see him in the hospital. He couldn't talk anymore, and he never would. I blamed myself for it, and I still do.

By the time I was ten, I knew I couldn't handle the blame for this. Karkat helped me out, but all the other kids were afraid of me. I felt like a monster. By the time I was eleven, I had my first drink. At age twelve I was addicted to drugs. I twas my only escape from pain. No one ever tried to stop me. No one was watching me at home, and my teachers didn't care. It got out of control, and I couldn't stop it.

Once when I had almost nothing in my system, I went with Kurloz to see his girlfriend Meulin. Her sister was home, so was her friend Equius. I ended up hurting them both. I was a monster, and everyone knew it. No one liked me anymore, not even Karkat, who had feelings for Nepeta. I continued to drink, and drink, and drink.

I had overdosed more than once. I was hoping it wouldn't save me one day. See I never forgave myself for what happened to my brother. I know how bad I damaged two kids. I waste money on drugs so I can forget I did this. I drank too much Faygo. It was purple, like always. My favourite colour since before everything I've done. I hope that purple will be that final colour I see the next time I overdose on my meds, and hopefully the last. Maybe then all the problems, and burdens I've caused will be over. That is why I drink, it's the only thing that makes me forget I'm a monster. For a little while, I feel like the young kid that loved purple while hearing his brother speak. I was still good, right?


	4. Equius

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: Discriminati9n, h9pital visits, self harm.**

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My name is Equius, and I love the colour royal blue. This is my story. I am from an upper class home. I was taught to respect the rich, and make sure the poor look up to me. My brother is my hero. He is really strong, and I want to be just like him one day. I would follow him to the gym all the time. One day he let me train with him. He wanted me to be stronger than him one day. That was the best, and eventually the worst day of my life.

On the fist day of school, I was excited. I only wanted to speak to the noble kids in my class. Sadly most kids didn't actually like their richness so it was hard to tell. I got mad at school kids for coming up to me at lunch. They didn't know I was better than them. I punch him in the face. I was sent home from school that day. I went to the gym to train, long after my brother got home.

I was the strongest kid in my class, and was mean to anyone less than me. I respected the ones above me, they would rule me one day. One day a little girl changed that, and that became the new greatest day in the world. Some older kids were attacking her, and she couldn't fight. I beat them up really bad, and they ran away scared. I was sent home again that day. Horuss told me he was proud.

The next day the little girl came up to me. She smiled, I smiled back at her. We became best friends, and she is the only person less than me that means so much. I was strong, she was weak. She acted like a cat, and people made fun of her. I got in trouble a lot, because of my strength.

One time when we were fourteen, and did the worst thing in my life. I hurt Nepeta, a hug too tight. I visited her everyday in the hospital, she was so small. She wasn't mad at me, but it was all my fault. She was never the same afterwards. I hated my strength because it hurt that weak little girl. My best friend, she spent a week in the hospital, all because of a hug. Everyday I blamed myself.

I look in the mirror with hate. I see blue veins all over my body. My favourite colour wrapped around me. Nepeta fell in love with the colour, it's my second favourite. It's the color of the veins that hurt her. I was in love with her now, but I won't get closer to her. My strength causes harm to to most important person in my world. I wanted to gave myself pain for causing it in her.

My legs are covered in bruises now, I deserved it. I don't want to see the blue of my veins again. It was that same strength that hurt her. She is still a happy girl, she still is my friend. I can't forget the pain I caused her, even if she does. I don't want the strength that hurt her. So instead I'll hurt myself. The bruises cover the royal blue veins, that hold the strength that hurt my best friend.


	5. Vriska

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: Car accident, l9neliness, self hate, suicide.  
**

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My name is Vriska, and I love the colour blue. This is my story. I grew up happy, my sister and I acted a lot alike, and pretended to be each other. I loved spiders, they were the best animals in the world. I was friends with a girl a bit poorer than me, but we didn't mind. We were children afterall, nothing mattered to us then. My sister would tell me stories of what mom was like. She was a pirate, and loved adventures. One day I will be like her, have adventures. I did have adventures, but ones I'd rather forget.

When school started, I couldn't wait to meet new kids. I played with the poorer kids. Out of my friends I was the richest. I like to control them, mess with their heads as jokes. Arenea told me it was something our family was good at. The jokes got less funny as we grew up, but it was too late when I found out that fro myself. I had caused too much harm it the world by then.

I lost my left arm, and eye in an accident. I was in a car crash at age eight. I had to stay in the hospital for a really long tome after that. At thought over everything I'd done up to that point. I had caused my friends to get hurt. The accident was all my fault, and cost me my arm, eye, and friends. I regret that to today. Losing my friends was the worst.

My best friend Terezi, became my worst enemy ever. My friend, Tavros, I started to like him, a lot. He pretended I didn't exist anymore. I looked different now, I hated it, but didn't show that. I wore an eye patch over my eye, it scared my classmates too much. I lost my sister too, she left home a year later. She told me I was perfect, I had adventures to share with the world now. She went to an apartment with her super rich girlfriend. I was all alone, and life was hard on me now. I only could use one hand, and had trouble seeing. I was called a freak.

I still controlled people, more out of hate now, it was no longer funny. The jokes ended in our class long ago. We were filled with hatred now. I played the world with luck. Stupid bets, I lost a lot more then my friends in the years that followed. Some nights, I dreamed I was a pirate, just like mom was. Maybe I could leave to open waters, never come home to here.

I went to a lake, the water matched my favourite shade of blue. It was beautiful here, I felt happy again, this was where I was meant to be forever. I took a step forward, into the cold waters of early November. I tried a rock to me and just walked. I walk until all I could see was blue, and that was it. I never came out of that lake again.


	6. Terezi

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: 6ullying, chemical accidents, suicide.  
**

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My name is Terezi, and my favourite colour is teal. This is my story. I'm middle classed in my area, but that doesn't stop me from having fun. I grew up with my older sister, at least when she's home. She spends a lot of time with my 'boyfriend'. I know they will date one day. I don't mind her being away all the time. It's not like I'm ever home either. I spend a lot of time with my best friend Vriska. She was always making me do something new, but that was fine as kids. As we got older, not so much.

We were still friends at school for a long time. I made some new friends that were nice, but Vriska and I were the closest. Since Latula dated that kid, she was friends with, I spent a lot of time alone at home. I loved to draw, there was just something about all those colours that made me smile. I had scented markers, they were so much better than normal ones. Latula said the made no difference o her. She couldn't smell, I always wondered what it was like living without a sense. It was a few short years later that I found out for myself what it was like. I didn't lose my sense of smell, I lost a sense that meant a lot in my life.

I became enemies with my best friend. I don't remember a lot of it, but I know we got into a bad fight, and it didn't end well for me. I woke up it a coma two days later. I thought I was asleep, the world was black. I could hear, the doctors talked to each other in front of me. They told me it was acids, a chemical solution. That's what took my vision in the end, a stupid toxic chemical mix. I don't know how it happened. I just know it was Vriska's doing. I did something stupid for her, and it cost me. I lost my vision, colours, pictures.

I went to school again, but it was never the same. I had a stick in front of me now, but I still ran into people all the time now. Sometimes people would push me, and run away. They seen it as a joke, I hated it everyday. I lost my friends, even my sister started to hate me. All form a stupid dare I couldn't even remember. The only thing I remember is the teal colour, that was once my favourite. Now it' the only colour I remember ever seeing. I never want to forget it.

One day I was at home alone, and I started to cry. I thought of the one thing I loved, the colour teal, the last colour I could see. It was fading from my mind, and it terrified me so much. I wen too a room I was banded from when I lost my vision. I grabbed a bottle of chemicals. Funny, this it what took my vision in the first place. It was chemicals that hurt me this bad, and it will make it end. I took a deep breath, and poured the liquid down my throat. The last thing I vision was the beautiful teal colour, that filled years of my pictures.


	7. Kanaya

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: 6ullying, self hate, suicide, a 6it of h9m9ph96ia.  
**

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My name is Kanaya, and I love the colour jade green. This is my story. I live in an average sized home my entire life. The size may have been normal, but what it contained was special. My older sister and I loved to create things. It gave life to our house, it made us different from others. My sister told me we were a rare type of person. I believed her my whole life. I loved being myself, and my mom encouraged it everyday. I loved my mother, she took care of everyone. When she was away on a trip to help someone, Porrim did a good job keeping me safe. I was unique, and I loved it, until the world hated me for it.

I couldn't wait for school to start, I had a lovely outfit picked out. I helped Porrim make it a month before. Everyone would like me, I was certain of it. I was myself, and that was important. It didn't take me to long to realize how wrong I was. I was made fun of that day, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be a copy. Who would want that after all? It didn't make sense to me.

By the time I was ten, I realized that the world hated different. That only made me want to be different more. I stayed true to who I was. I helped other kids at my school who were bullied, everyone came to me with problems. I was trusted, just like my mother and sister. I knew my place in the world, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Of course there is one down side to being the one person that everyone always goes to for help. No was there for me when I needed my own help.

I never understood how helping people worked. I always helped others, but no one helped me, not even Porrim did. She helped the kids her age all the time. I don't think she ever heard my stories once in her life. I heard all the stories of others, I've helped them survive this far. I know everyone's problems, and helped to solve them. No one has heard my problems, and I can't solve them myself. I am strong, so no one knows I'm in pain. Everyone thinks I'm okay, I can solve the issues in my life. That's not true, it never was, it never will.

I never wanted to stop being myself, but it was hard in this world. I was different, and different is bad in this terrible, homophobic world. No one knew I was a lesbian, and I would die with that secret inside of me. I found an old scarf, it was the first project I made on my own. I was so proud of it, the jade green fabric was my favourite. If I was going to stop living, after saving so many lives, I would still be myself. I saved so many lives, but now it's time to end one. I tied the scarf around my neck, standing on a chair. This made me different, and different is bad, so that's what will kill me. I kicked the chair over. All that held me was the jade coloured scarf around my neck.


	8. Nepeta

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: 6ullying, 6l99d, self hate, self harm.  
**

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My name is Nepeta, and I like the colour green. This is my story. My mom knew something was wrong with me when I was three. Around two months later I was told I was autistic, but it didn't stop me from anything. I loved cats growing up, they made the world better. My sister and I would dress up like cats. It was so fun, I even had a tail, the first one I got was green. I loved it so much, and still do. My sister was worried about me starting school, but I was excited.

I had a hard time at school, I didn't understand the other kids very much. I still had my first cat tail on the first day of school. People made fun of me, I didn't know that's what was happening. I didn't mind, I was happy, at least I was. People started to hurt me, but that lead to the best thing in my life. I met Equius that way, and he is my best friend now. My new tail matched his favourite colour now. He helped me grow up when my sister wasn't around, and after her accident happened.

I was afraid of something one day, and I screamed loudly. It hurt her ears badly, they started to bleed badly. Her hearing was gone by the end of the year, and I blamed myself for it. The doctors said it was excess noise that slowly caused her to be deaf. I screamed a lot because I scare easily, so I knew it was partly my fault. I hid away a lot, whenever Equius wasn't around.

It was around this time I began to hate myself. I blamed myself for my sister's deafness, I know it was my fault. No matter what I was told, no one can change that. I can't learn sign language, it was hard for to understand. I regretted that the most, because I didn't know how to talk to my sister, without writing everything down. I felt like a burden to my family, because I couldn't do anything right. I felt like a burden to Equius, he spent all day protecting me. He spent too much time protecting me.

One night, I was alone in my room. I was taking out my old cat outfits. I only wore them at home now, Equius told me it would help me in life. I had claws in there, an old present. I scratched myself with them that night. It wasn't the only time I did. I wrapped the claws in my first tail. I loved the colour green, it was lovely. I would rip it sometimes when I grabbed the claws, the green fur fell off. the was green fur all over my room, and scratches on my skin. I was a burden to everyone in my life. I hated being so useless to everyone.


	9. Sollux

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: car crash, h9spital visits, self hatred, suicide attempt.  
**

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My name is Sollux, and I like the colour yellow. This is my story. I loved gaming, computers worked well with me, unlike my brother. Mituna was a great skateboarder, and would bring me with him to the park. I never got good at it, and would often bring a DS with me. I found that way more fun than being outdoors. Mituna gave up bringing me with him after he met a girl there. We would play video games in the evenings, but I could always beat him. It didn't take long for it to get boring to play with him. It was around the time that I was about to start school.

I wasn't allowed to bring any video games to school, they weren't allowed in the building. I had to talk to the other kids. I became close friends with this girl named Aradia. She was really nice to me all the time. I kinda liked her as we got older. She was poorer than i was and didn't have many games at home. I didn't mind that she didn't play video games, she was really cool anyways. I still played video games all the time. Mituna was gone most days with his girlfriend, so I never went to bed early. Looking back to then, I probably shouldn't have done that my whole life.

I lost some of my vision two years after I started school. I was told it was mostly due to the light difference at night. It started slowly, by the time I was eleven it was almost all gone. I didn't leave home by myself, not even to go visit my girlfriend, Aradia. Mituna brought me most places, since all I see now is blobs of colour. Even that I don't see much of, I was born colour blind, making most colours invisible. It was just light and shadows, just enough to see, but not enough to know what it is. Mituna helped me a lot, he kept me safe. He promised to protect me with his life. One day, he almost lost his life protecting me.

He was bringing me to the movie store, I had to listen to description movies. I also wanted a smoothie, cherry, and blue raspberries. We were crossing the street, about two blocks away from home. I couldn't see the truck coming, and had no idea where the horn was. Mituna screamed at me to move, but I was frozen in terror, I had no idea what was going on. I felt when he pushed me over, away from the truck, then I heard it hit him. He never recovered from it.

He couldn't skateboard anymore, Latula was always over now. She kept an eye on him most days now. I spent less and less time home. I was always with Aradia now, she was the only person that didn't hate me. She didn't care I had trouble seeing, or speaking. When she wasn't around, I cried, a lot. I had a skateboard in my closet. It was going to be a gift to Mituna this year, but he can't use it. I couldn't bring myself to give it to him. It was our favourite colour, bright yellow. I took it out to skate for a bit. I couldn't see, but I knew my way around. I was near a cliff, I was warned to be safe around it. Today, I didn't care anymore. I left a letter in my room for Aradia, and one for Mituna, I wasn't coming home. I put the yellow skateboard on the earth, and I rolled it towards the cliff. I didn't know where it was for sure, I only knew as I fell off. I could only sense the brightness of the yellow sun.


	10. Tavros

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: car crash, b9y x b9y, 9verd9sing, suicide attempts.  
**

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My name is Tavros, and I like the colour orange. This is my story. I live in the poorer part of our town, and that always made me self conscious. I was shy, unlike my brother, he was brave. I didn't talk very much as a child, it had trouble forming full words. I was told it was because of my shyness. I stuttered a lot. I didn't mind when I was around my family, they loved me for who I was. There wasn't anything wrong with em back then. If I'd known how school would end maybe I would have been braver to start out the year.

It was my first time away from all family when I went to school that day. All the kids were so loud, they all wanted to talk to others, except to me. I didn't go up to anyone that day, I was too scared. I had an imaginary friend, he was all I needed. Most of the rich kids didn't want to talk to the poorer ones, especially the ones that didn't like to talk. A boy came up to me during lunch, I knew he was richer than me. He live in the nice part of town. I thought he would hurt me, I was afraid. He gave me a goofy smile, and I laughed with him.

Gamzee would always hang out with me. He wanted to make sure no one ever hurt me, for being shy. I developed social anxiety, but that only brought us closer. Gamzee did anything for me, when I was too afraid. He always made me laugh, he hated to see me sad. A few years had passed when I realized something about our friendship, I wanted more. I fell in love with him, but I didn't want to say anything to him. What happened to bring us closer was the best and worst thing of my life.

I got into a car crash. I was knocked out for three days, Gamzee never left me. When I woke up, I couldn't feel my lags, I never did again. When I woke up it was only Gamzee in the room, it was the first time I seen him cry. He kissed me on the lips, I kissed back. We started dating, but my life grew harder. I couldn't do things the same way anymore. It only got worst after that. I couldn't do anything on my own anymore. I was a burden to Gamzee, he spent all his time keeping me safe.

I started to hide pills in my room. Only Gamzee searched for things there, but he was the only one the I didn't want to know. I took the orange bottle out each night, wondering if this would be my last night. I was too afraid to live in this world any longer. I couldn't be strong, like my brother, like my boyfriend. My boyfriend, he would be crushed, but I did it anyways. I overdosed, taking too many pills from the orange bottle. I was in a coma for a very long time.


	11. Aradia

**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: near death experiences, h9pital visits, self hate, depressi9n, suicide attempts.  
**

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My name is Aradia, and I like the colour, rust red. This is my story. I lived in a small apartment with my mom, and sister. We didn't speak much to each other. I moved here when I was little, but not little enough to forget. I didn't speak the language as my family did, I lost it long ago. I hated a lot of things in this town. I didn't hate it more than before, that made life easier on me at least. I didn't want to go to school, I was afraid of what would happen to me.

I didn't mind school, but compared to what happened in my life, anything was good. I made a new friend, she was rich and happy, and I was sad and poor. Somehow we became best friends, against all odds. I never told her why I was so upset, or why I was always gone from school. Her life was perfect, at least compared to mine it was. No matter how happy I became here, I always had my past life in my head. I didn't want my friends to think of me as a freak. I wanted them to see the new me, in good light, not bad shadows.

I almost died when I was three. Toxic gases, and open wounds, that's what almost took my life. I was in the hospital for almost four months. Then we moved to a new town, one with no gases that could hurt me. I got sick a lot because of this, and had to go visit the doctor a lot. I almost died twice more between then and age twelve. Feferi found out the second time it happened, it hurt her badly. I didn't want her to see my pain, she was my best friend, I've known her longer than my boyfriend. I couldn't make her worry about me. That's what friends do, worry if someone's in trouble, and Feferi worried, a lot. I didn't mind her worrying, it was something else that made me fall apart.

Feferi kept a closer eye on me now, she was afraid. I have to have surgery a few months later, I didn't want to. I had to take medicine for the rest of my life in order for it to work properly. I hated it, I hated my life. I became more depressed each day, and it scared me. Feferi, and Sollux reminded me daily how much they cared about me. That was probably the reason I lasted this far into my life. It started out terrible, and I knew that's how it would end.

I started to have suicidal thoughts, and it terrified me each day. I wished those few times I neared death, it actually took me away, it would be better than doing it myself. At least then my friends wouldn't have that weight on them the rest of their lives. I couldn't take it anymore, I just couldn't. I had so much keeping me alive, it was too hard to live now. I found a rusty knife, the red colour I loved my whole live, would take it away from this world. It seemed to fit well. I stabbed myself in the chest, and slowly bled to my last near death experience. Only this time it was real.


	12. Karkat

**Final chapter! I hope you liked this sadstuck fanfiction. Let me know what you think of it. It was a lot of fun to get to write for you guys. I'll try to write more like this, but this was all done within four days, so it was a bit shorter than I wanted it to be. I still think it turned out help super well. No point in rambling, here's the final chapter!  
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 **Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!**

 **Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: Self hatred, fights, ins9mnia, cutting, suicide, 6l99d.  
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My name is Karkat, and I like the colour red. This is my story. I'm homeless, which stinks. My dad has been arrested more than once, and I am looked after by my brother. We live with other homeless kids, the streets are almost better. In order to act better than our dad did, Kankri controls my life. He remembers dad, so for some reason he needs to be as different as possible. I couldn't wait for school to start, it was more time away from him.

No one really liked me at school, but I didn't like anyone either so it was fair. Everyone here was better than me, but i don't think they know. I tried to act richer than a few of them, so I wouldn't be bullied. There was a rich boy boy named Gamzee there. We were a bit the same, we both got in trouble a lot. In detention we chatted, and became sorta friends. It was more like we would always choose each others side in a problem. It happened a lot, and got worst as we grew up.

I avoided the shelter I stayed at like the plague. That place was the worst place in the world. It reminded of how bad my world was, how I never belonged in the world. my dad didn't want me. I had problem, a mutation. My eyes were two colours, half brown, half green. I was a mutant, and everyone knew it. I didn't belong in this world. No one wanted a mutant, homeless kid. Not even my family liked me, and I had no friends. The girl I liked, Nepeta would never like me, that was for sure.

My hatred only got worst as I grew up. I hated everything around me, including myself. Gamzee and I got into fights now. I never slept anymore, I couldn't in that horrible place, and sleeping on the street was a worst idea. I was always tired, but I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't have any friends that would care, and I started to cut. Kankri found out three months later. He was mad, but I didn't stop doing it, I just got better at hiding it.

I was addicted to cutting, there was just something about seeing the red colour of my blood. It got worst all the time. I just hated myself that much, and seeing my blood dripping helped me out. I knew one day that I wouldn't be able to stand the small lines of red. I was able to get my hands on a gun, I only had it a few hours before I used it. Kankri found me in the ally not long after I was gone. I was covered in my favourite colour, the red of my blood.


End file.
